Sometimes you try to take shortcuts and you get burned. That is precisely what the Atlanta Braves did this past offseason: They thought they could sneak a fast one by Braves Country by doing everything to stay under the luxury tax. This team was built to win now, but it came up painfully short for a multitude of reasons. And although this is not entirely his fault, GM Alex Anthopoulos is the one who ultimately built this team.

Right now, I have better things to do than watch this team fiddle fart around for another two months. This team is so cooked, and everybody knows it. Heads need to roll, but if Liberty Media can package it as Brian Snitker heading off into retirement with the help of a golden parachute, that should suffice. Get rid of this entire coaching staff yesterday. I have never seen this many imbeciles in my entire life.

What I will say is even though this team stinks to high heaven, I would be stunned if Liberty Media had the stones to fire Anthopoulos. He would just go back to the Los Angeles Dodgers and work under Andrew Friedman. Nobody wants that. That being said, fixing the Braves will not be easy, but there are five things Anthopoulos absolutely cannot do for the rest of this season and heading into next spring.

Committing any one of these cardinal sins could be seen as Anthopoulos writing his own pink slip.

5. No more skating around the luxury tax, only to land Jurickson Profar

If Anthopoulos thinks he can carry Liberty Media’s water in letting every notable star walk and then not signing anybody new of note just to get under the luxury tax, he is out of his mind! Anthopoulos spent all offseason sitting on his hands, doing nothing until the last minute, only to sign the idea of Jurickson Profar weeks before he went on to miss half of the season due to a huge PED suspension.

I want Anthopoulos to be aggressive and actually give off the impression of trying to make deals. The last thing that needs to happen is for the leader in the Braves’ front office to get so shamefully full of himself like John Schuerholz once did. The Braves Way is no longer working, so try something new. Anthopoulos is closer to Schuerholz than Frank Wren or John Coppolella, but let’s not ruin this team.

Nothing may leak out of the Braves’ front office these days, but Anthopoulos better make moves!

4. The utter infatuation of all things Ozzie Albies needs to stop already

I am fully out on two Braves position players of note. If Atlanta had anything league-average at these two positions, maybe this team would not be so shamelessly under .500? I get that Ozzie Albies was once a fun, cool player at second base, but he has devolved into a walking out at this point. He had that power surge in 2023, but so did everyone on the Braves. Why is he still deciding to switch hit?!

I understand that Albies has been on one cheap, team-friendly contract after another, but the Braves are continually getting lapped at second base. Rather than see Albies swing at balls bouncing off the plate from the left-hand side, could the Braves get someone with even the slightest modicum of plate discipline? Anthopoulos could extend the club option to him, but Albies should be on a short leash.

Becoming beholden to a former star who is no longer the least bit good is how decadence festers. Speaking of which …

3. Failing to come to the realization Michael Harris II is Jason Heyward 2.0

I am so unbelievably done with Michael Harris II in center field. We have seen it before, and we will probably see it again with Braves Country: One of their own becomes a star as a rookie because of his glove and the occasional pop with his bat. We lost our minds over Jeff Francoeur and Jason Heyward years ago. Neither could hit worth a damn, and Harris offers their same plate discipline.

This is a directconsequence of promoting slick-fielding position players prematurely. Harris did not play in Triple-A. Andrelton Simmons never did. But we simply have to take the bun out of the oven long before we have to because they have a glove, a power bat and a cool nickname. From Frenchy, to The J-Hey Kid, to Simba, to now Money Mike, there collective approaches at the plate were all sawry.

Trade him, demote him, banish him like Jarred Kelenic, ask him to bat right-handed, I have no idea, but Atlanta needs to move on.

2. Do not trade Drake Baldwin under any circumstance

While I think trading away players like Chris Sale or even Sean Murphy would probably be stupid, there are only two players on the Braves I would say are completely untouchable. The first is rookie catching sensation Drake Baldwin. I have said it before, and I will say it again, prospects do nothing for me. I only care about what baseball players can do at the big-league level, but there are exceptions.

For as much hot air as I heard about all things AJ Smith-Shawver and Hurston Waldrep, Baldwin was always different. He was not some Cristian Pache nonsense, just a great left-handed hitter with an improving glove behind the plate. Not to say he can become Gen-Z’s version of Yogi Berra, but he has that clutch gene that made the New York Yankees legend one of the greatest backstops in MLB history.

Dealing Baldwin requires Anthopoulos handing in a resignation and getting his spiky hair out of town.

1. Do not trade Ronald Acuña Jr. under any circumstance

Dumb people gotta work somewhere, and we can only hope they all do not work for the Braves organization. If Anthopoulos were to ever trade Ronald Acuña Jr., he should no longer be allowed to work in baseball. You do not trade the most talented player to ever don a Braves uniform at any of its three domiciles and just get away scot free. Acuña does things that every other ballplayer dreams of.

If Acuña ever grows tired of playing for this franchise and wants out, then I could understand having to play damage control. Let’s just never get to that point. If he wants to walk in free agency, then he would just be the latest Braves legend to do so. Not everybody can be Chipper Jones. That being said, I have never heard Jones talk more glowingly about a Braves player in my life. He is different.

If Anthopoulos ever traded Acuña, he would become more hated in Atlanta than [shudders] Bobby Petrino.