This Christmas classic is particularly appropriate for a baseball conversion. While Rudolph was originally the creation of a Montgomery Ward copywriter for a 1939 seasonal promotion, he was made famous by the rendition of legendary cowboy singer-actor Gene Autry. Autry was the original owner of the Angels, heading the team for 35 years through seemingly infinite changes of place name. The club never made it to the World Series under Autry’s ownership despite three division titles — but they never lost 100 games, either.
There were Big Hurt and Paulie and Nellie and Minnie,
Now just Sosa and Vargas and Meidroth and Bennie
But do you recall
The most (in)famous White Sox of all?
Jerry the red-nosed Reinsdorf
Had a very shiny beak
And since he’s been the chairman
Things have gotten mighty bleak.
All of the many Sox fans
Sneer at him and curse his name
They all know for failures
He’s the one who gets the blame.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say,
“Jerry you think you’re so bright,
Try to guide the team tonight.”
Then all the Sox fans shouted,
“Dagnab it, son of a b*$,
Led by the red-nosed Reinsdorf,
We’ll end up in a ditch.”
But it wasn’t only a ditch
Into which the team was led —
No, he greedily rammed them
Into a cliff instead.
Most of the world had a happy Yule
But the day for Sox fans was shocking
Because they just dined on tasteless gruel
And had naught but coal in their stocking.
Still, it’s the Christmas season
So even Sox fans can dream
Of the day that he’ll see reason
And Reinsdorf will sell the team.
Jerry the red-nosed Reinsdorf
Had a very shiny snout
But he wasn’t bright enough
To ever figure things out.
(alternative closing verses)
Jerry the red-nosed Reinsdorf
Had a downright glowing schnoz
But his greed destroyed the team
Ever since he fired Oz.
Yes, Jerry the red-nosed Reinsdorf
Had a very lustrous snoot
And Sox fans will celebrate
When he’s finally given the boot.
Oh, yeah, Jerry the red-nosed Reinsdorf
Had a very neon honker
And he’s the obstacle we must all
Hope the Sox can one day conquer.
